Lollipop. LeoJay!

哦莫納

2009-11-16T21:51:00.002+08:00

我不喜歡把我自己的感覺藏在心底
我認爲有話就該說
不想要一直爲了所謂維持兩個人的關係
互相隱瞞
你不爽我就說
我改
我承認我是一個滿瞎,很固執的人
我知道我的錯但我不願意改
需要有人糾正我才行
所以我不爽別人的行爲
我也會說
常常有人會誤解我
但我就是這樣
受不了就別儅朋友了
隱瞞是一回事
忍受是一回事
我不把友情當兒戲
所以我也不希望你會
你無緣無故就想和我斷絕關係
那就斷吧
道歉也好賠罪也好
碎掉的花瓶補好了還是有裂痕
我們的友情也不會像當初一樣
說我固執算了
我就是這樣
連這剩下的你都不稀罕
那也就罷了
我很害怕
害怕自己無法維持所擁有的友誼
難道真的是我？
把我所建立的友情
一手摧毀？

最近一直在哭
太多事情在發生了
我的步伐完全跟不上
莫名其妙就考完了式
莫名其妙就畢業典禮
莫名其妙就要出國
太多變化了
是大家都變了
還是我變得太多
我搞不清楚
太多太多事跟以往完全不一樣
以前開的玩笑
現在就誤以爲我在耍他
以前的話題
現在也都沒興趣聊
到底是怎麽了
我討厭這種變化
我討厭我接受不了它
我討厭在面對的時候
一直露出我軟弱的一面
難道面具戴得太久了
讓最真實的我來面對這個世界時
就不能承受那些殘酷的事實
我不喜歡每兩三天就大哭一場
這不是我的作風
從前的我
沒有那麽的輕易飆淚
最多就一年大哭一兩會
現在則是兩三天
討厭
憎恨
懊惱

太多事情閃過我腦裏
樂觀的
悲觀的
我不知道我以後要幹嗎
還不能接受我已經16了
以前所渴望到的這一天
現在到了卻不知所措
以前覺得理所當然的場景
現在才發覺原來事情沒那麽單純
接觸的人越多
對事情的看法更不一樣
和他人的關係也截然不同

我。。。
真的不知道怎麽了。。。
真的不知所措。。。

scared. just too scared.

2009-11-15T20:30:00.002+08:00

So many things are happening now already, too many changes and I'm getting cold feet.
Out of a sudden, i've already finished my o levels, i'm going to prom, i'm going to graduate, i'm going to collect my results and i'm going to a whole new environment.
i don't want to change. i don't want to graduate. i don't like to step into a whole new environment with no sense of security.
so many changes are occuring now. i don't want to lose my friends. i know, for sure, once we graduate, we won't talk as much as before.
i was really hurt, when he told me about their reactions. all i did and said was what i really meant. i thought that was what all friends did, girls getting excited and stuff. but they intepreted it wrongly. i really feel so hurt, i thought we were good friends. and what the shit, i'm crying cause of it.
i seriously love all of them so much, when i treat people as my friends, i will protect and love them with all my might. i really do.
the late night calls, the usual bickering, it's already what i'm used to and i dont want it to change. no matter how good new friends are, it's just different.
i'm just crying way too much these days. i really hate all the changes that's happening now. why is everything going so fast, i can't catch up. don't wanna stay behind but i don't want to look forward either. can't i just stay in my own comfort zone, everything will just remain the same as it is before? i really hate this. fuck life. seriously.
people are telling me that im thinking too much.
how cna i not think so much?
i dunno
i think i need to calm down
but.
i really cant.
im really afraid of the future

wtf please

2009-11-07T00:36:00.003+08:00

Why must my aim for going to yonsei to study be linked directly to my kpop fandom? That's only what you assumed, that im going to korea to study is because i wanna go see them. Do you really think that I'm THAT dumb? Use your ass to think also will know, by that age and time, they will no longer be popular and I will already grow out of this stupid fandom, or not. Okay, I won't say you're totally untrue about your assumption, my aim does has something to do with them. It's because of them, I'm more interested in the korean culture, are you not?

I'm really so sick and tired of your high and mighty talk. All your saying about drawing a very clear line between things and stuff. Like seriously, you do? Who's the one screaming their head off?

I really dunno what made me feel like this, I think i've changed unknowingly, I don't like this. I want things to go back the way it was, I hope I will change back after our trip together.
Friends to me, are important. Although I don't know you that long, to me all of you are very precious to me even if I don't show it or don't talk to you that much.
All of us are part of this special family, I can't do with losing any one of you and I really hate it when I see any one of you feels down and I can't help.
I really sucks at expressing myself. I don't know how to let all of you know how much I love you guys.

I think I'm pms-ing. i fucking hate this.

ade, i miss you so much.
i miss our roti prata suppers after chingay
i miss hanging out and slacking during rehs
i miss everything.

i hate it when time changes everything.
really sucks.
now, i miss 4a1.
I DONT WANT US TO GO OUR SEPARATE WAYS.
i want us to stay the way we are now.
retaining together.
i hope the class chalet will be a success.
i want to be able to reminisce about it in the future
be proud to say, i'm a forayeone-r

I see..

2009-10-21T12:42:00.002+08:00

Ah, totally explains your reaction the other time. I'm a petty person, I do not forgive completely. ^^ It doesn't help that she's from the country that is on my top ten hated list. Seriously, [insert country's name] sluts are all english fail and annoying. Sluts. (: All three I know, all three are sluts. Hmmm.

祝你們永浴愛河，白頭偕老.
If you even understand what it means, rofl.

Super Girl!

2009-09-13T12:04:00.004+08:00

teaser:

DON'T HOTLINK. ASK BEFORE TAKING. I'll hunt you down with my chair I tell you...

CAN YOU TELL ME WHY IS HAE SO HOT. The teaser is like, asdf lkjasdf lkj asdflkj sdfk. Can you keep a secret? Throughout the teaser (and after seeing the teaser photos), I was actually thinking, _______________. Crazy right, what a teaser can do to you. Even shaking his hand looks damn hot. Not to say Siwon biting his glove and adjusting it while giving a killer stare. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Zhoumi, Henry and Kyuhyun is hot like !@#$%^ and Kyuhyun has long fingers. >=]

copied and pasted from LJ. read there for full post and icons!

2009-09-13T11:43:00.002+08:00

had a really weird dream last night. i wore my heels and dressed really nicely, somehow i went back to school to the library for some literature thing that i wasn't involved, i merely accompanied someone there. after that, we have to move tables into the room. i was wearing heels and walking very steadily to and fro. -.- i remember faintly the existence of zhengning and jiahui and one of zhengning's friend (which i doubt is really her friend irl) in my dream.

somehow or rather, i met bryan chan and his group, wasn't very friendly i must say. then i saw another group of ppl but i can't remember who. joel and another friend was sitting at another table and i made him let me try what he was eating. omg crazy please.

i remember telling melissa in my dream that if i can even carry tables to and fro the library, i would have no problem walking in heels during prom. which doesn't really make sense. -.-

AH. stupid me.

oh, i dreamt that he replied to my fb status with a -.-

It's one too many

2009-09-08T14:15:00.005+08:00

There are just so many things screwed up this year, can't I get any peace these days?

O levels are coming and I'm like so fucked up already. Then my dad just can't stop nagging, it's not like I wanted an ear infection, what's the point of telling me "You better eat your medicine otherwise if you're going for a surgery it's not my problem anymore". I'M EATING MY MEDICINE RIGHT? I'M EVEN EATING THOSE BIGASS ANTIBIOTICS ALREADY, what else do you want me to do? I'm the one taking O levels, not you. You don't even know what I do every second, what makes you think I didn't study? Just because you didn't see doesn't mean I didn't do it. Few days ago, Zero ridiculously scolded me for nothing and wanted me to get out of his life just because of a stupid facebook comment and because he's lost. Fuck, you're not the only one having a hard life, you don't see people asking their friends to get out of their life for no apparent reason. Even if they do, they didn't mean it, you did - at that point of time. Now there's this of Jaebum issues, what's wrong if them fucking korean netizens. Go do some charity and earn some good deeds for your life. Are you jealous that they got through the auditions with their talent and you didn't? THEN TOO BAD. Stop trying to dig out their past to force them to leave the entertaintment industry. There's a reason why they are up there and you're stuck in your home typing furiously away at your pathetic computer flaming them. Stop acting like a sourpuss. Digging up their past is one matter, what's with showing only their bad side? Be objective! You're being bias, so are you so intent on making Jaebum leave Korea? People have their bad times and they type stupid things. Why so picky. Right now, Jaebum's on the plane and all you can do is say you are regretful of what you guys have done. WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT. argh.

ps. sorry to zero for bringing it up again. it's not suppose to mean tht way. so if you take it the wrong way, then too bad. not in my best mood now to give a damn.

why?

2009-09-08T13:49:00.002+08:00

you are such a stupid boy y'know?

ignore the comments and just be yourself.

i love you always.

but i hate you for leaving me.

that's all you know what to do

2009-09-07T17:49:00.003+08:00

Nag nag nag.

You scold me for not managing my time well, always wasting my time in front of the computer. What do you know? Do you even care? All you know what I'm doing is what you see at that stupid 10 seconds. I might have completed hundreds of maths practices and you wouldn't know because you're busy using the computer yourself and busy changing smelly diapers for the small bastard.

You think you're giving me a lot of freedom, you aren't as tight as other parents are. I think maybe it's just because you don't give a shit. Each time you finish scolding, you just trail off and walk back to pat the baby or play your computer, maybe it's because you gave up.

THEN GIVE UP FOR GOOD.

Stop trying to act concern, you said it, it's my future not yours. Why are you caring so much? My grades might not be the best, neither is it the worst. You created this environment for me so what do you want me to do?

Fuck life man.

never gonna be the same no more

2009-09-07T01:29:00.007+08:00

You wanted things to happen this way, not me.

Everything won't be the same anymore, I thought we were close in some kind of way but apparently I was in self-denial, some girl-friend of yours being pissed off at my ONE measly reply (which I wrote in the friendliest, un-friendly manner I could seeing that she's your friend) is way more important than our 7 months of friendship.

Not long I must say, although I thought it was more than enough to prevent this kind of lame arguments. I looked up to you as my brother, someone that might be able to take care of me, maybe just as a role of a friend and you did, from what I see, taking care of me like what I thought a brother would to a sister, or perhaps just a friend to a friend. Although I know that I as your friend or a sister (if you even see me as one) had never been a good one, I could never give you a good enough advice for your troubles or a suitable word to console you but I tried, I know I did.

Her comment doesn't exact shouts "I didn't mean it, it's suppose to be a joke!" when I read it, even after trying to read between the lines. ALL my friends agrees with me. So what, she's allowed to make a mean comment to him but I can't make a mean (which could be meaner) reply to her? Sorry, I can't close an eye to such a comment seeing that she's not his friend and she's not commenting about you. If I was filming you then fine, I agree it's my fault.

I'm glad you didn't introduce her to me cause seems like she's an incorrigible bitch. I tried to understand how you are feeling, which was the reason why I didn't argue back until much later when I couldn't tolerate it anymore and my friends urging me to fight back. All I did at the start was rant to them and they think you're an asshole which I hope you realised you are acting like one and it's a fact.

Ever heard of "Pot calling the kettle black"? Who's the one with low EQ? I don't give a fuck if you're having rough times or you had a bad past or she had a bad past or fuck. You're asking me to get out of your life aka ending our friendship for good just because of this. HELLO? EQ CHECK PLEASE!

None of the reasons you give / have is good enough to end the friendship. Friendship, no matter how long it is, is not meant to be treated as a toy and to be ended at your whim. Sorry doesn't make the world a happier place to live in neither does it makes the children in Africa have food to eat. She's important to you so I'm not? I'm not of the least importance to you, as a normal friend? A junior? Even as an acquaintance?

I'm shooting you like fuck, yes. I contemplated on this for a while, I told my friends, "i want to shoot my senior like nobody's business, but somehow it pains me cause he's like my big brother like that...". (I copied and pasted the whole thing from msn.) They urged me on, so here. I'm glad I did anyway since your behaviour doesn't really shout "big brother" nor "friend"

You wanted us to continue being friends, fine by me but it isn't going to be the same anymore. You mend a broken vase, the cracks are still there. The choice is always made by you, if you changed your mind, you can tell me anytime. Tell me, if you decided to defend that bitch's low EQ because of one stupid comment which 'Oh, I didn't mean it' or our 7months of friendship is more important.

I'm calling her a bitch, yes. BITE ME LAH. SUE ME LAH. SEVER ALL YOUR SCHOOL TIES WORK TIES OR WHATEVER TIES YOU HAVE LAH.

My blog, I say whatever I want and it's the truth. It's neither slander nor defamation.
She's acting like one anyway.

Before you spam my dead tagboard or msn about me scolding you like a bitch or your friend a bitch... Read the next sentence please.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU?
Guilty conscience?

PS.i feel so sad that there's a dozen else things i wanted to shoot at you but i didn't get it out and i shan't mention it in details unless i'm provoked further.

^^

PPS. Before you think I'm making things very ugly, seriously this is nothing. You might think I'm trying to agitate you or whatever but oh puh-lease, I don't bother and if I did, it sure wouldn't be JUST like that. Real ugly things will come out.

2009-08-29T16:34:00.003+08:00

Love is sweet but never to you because you have never understood the real meaning of it. You had it in your possession but you decided to ruin it, whether on purpose or accidental. If that's how you want it, no point complaining about it.

I'm determined to get an answer from you, about what happened. If you didn't realise, it's unfair to me, I have the right to know. After that, whatever happened between us will just be a memory.

不在乎天长地久只在乎曾经拥有

it doesn't work anymore.

I'm going to make you regret that you made such a choice, make you realise that you're at a loss for forsaking it, make you regret why you didn't cherish what you had.

PS. don't insult FTI please, you really don't look like him. it's like ewwww.

Love?

2009-08-28T15:36:00.002+08:00

Sometimes that crush you have had, was love at first sight, or just after a few meet-ups, you fell for that person. That does not justify anything. Love is strong. It’s beyond human control. Don’t listen to all the bull that you don’t know the person well enough, and determine that it is infatuation or lust straight away. You know yourself better than others.

You know that you have fallen in love when

Every few minutes or seconds you think of the person
You feel the compulsion of love
The person looks flawless to you. You know his/her strengths and weaknesses but you believe that he/she is perfect for you, you fall in love with both his/her strength and weaknesses.
You cannot stop smiling whenever you are near the person. You are happy and joyful when you are with him/her. You don’t want to leave him/her when it’s time to part at the end of the day.
You await her text message or calls, when you didn’t receive one, the world collapses.

Funny that you fit all of them, except the weakness part because it's not something that I can love since it's what I detest the most. But somehow you just don't understand my feelings or you chose to ignore it.

You made me afraid of falling in love.

니가밉다

Taken from shavvn

Sunshine Yellow

2009-08-28T00:35:00.002+08:00

I'm having a hell lot of weird dreams lately, explains why I'm feeling so tired all the time.

I had a nap in the afternoon and I dreamt I was at Mac and coincidentally sat at the table next to N. (i know lah, abit obvious is who, esp if you read my archives, whatever.) We had an aisle between our tables but I pretended to ignore him and read my book & eating fries (phew not cheese fries w mayo. :S), for goodness knows what reasons, he sat at his table even though he finished his meal. I remember it was like, evening or at night already and he offered to walk me home or something and my family saw him when he came to my house. Like I don't even know for what.

But actually, that's not the point I want to say, the point is his attire that he was wearing in my dream.

Yes, I made you read one whole chunk of pointless content of my dream. If you even read it.

If I didn't remember wrongly, he was wearing a white t-shirt and sneakers. Nothing wrong with that right?

The wrong part is he was wearing YELLOW skinnies, sunshine yellow okay. (I damn confirm about that cause I felt so ashamed and paiseh when he met my family)

I mean, how beng can that be, even the ahbengs I met don't wear sunshine yellow skinnies.

Oh yes, I was wearing heels in my dream also!

FYI, I didn't fall okay! I only remember towering over him by quite a lot. >=]

LJ fucked up on me. ._.

Prelims are here!

2009-08-26T17:58:00.004+08:00

I really think that the friend of my previous blogshop customer look really like wooyoung in this photo, equally cute. :D
Bedoktown basketballer. tskk. xD

I think I kind of screw up my Chemistry, left quite a lot of blanks but I completed the last question which was a miracle. My nose was leaking throughout the paper and slept for awhile, EF woke me up and said she don't want to see blanks. Then don't flip my paper lah, don't flip you won't see the blanks already. -.-

Plus, I was in the midst of a dream, not a very good one neither a bad one. I dreamt that Kaiwen, Haowei, my dad, haowei's mum and Melissa/Sheryl (like in one moment is mel, one moment is sheryl leh._.) were sitting together, eating and chatting. Then my dad and haowei's mum were chatting happily about us and whatnot. When it's sheryl over there, we were discussing about thaiSS2, when it's mel, the four of us were crapping like usual.
Super weird dream leh, like wtf is my dad and haowei's mum doing there...

English paper tomorrow, haven't memorise my narrative, haven't memorise the format. WIN ALREADY LOR. Fail already.

ANYWAY!

My spree items arrive already~ Went to check my mail after meeting jasmine and yayyy~
Heels and bikini arrived, I bought the bikini on impulse, shhhh.
The heels weren't as high as I expected, still walk-able but it's a bit biggish for my feet. Size is just nice, but, aiyo don't know how to say. omg, i want an outing with clique soon. :D best is ask kw to arrange, clique + him. Im gonna tower over him! >=]

SG Elf Outing

2009-08-23T16:23:00.004+08:00

Photo credit to Germain
Chloe, Chermaine, Susu, Eekie, Yinting, Germaine, Yoojin and me

Our first SGelf outing, excluding the WPGs meeting of course.

Dinner at KFC, disturbing other people with our laughter, retardism and random yadongism.
Random dancing of Genie and Gee, blowing a fly off the model's face on the wall and laughter again at the back of westmall.
Flower-eating over videos with laughter again after awhile, pissing off the smoking WGfan bengs.

I infer they are WGfan cause some of them were listening to Nobody at the other end. LOL.

Monageng

2009-08-23T16:13:00.002+08:00

Alike much?

I wonder if Mona Lisa was actually from China or if Geng's actually from Italy.

D.E.G's song is really stuck in my head. I'm getting random images of Jokwon's ass, Chansung's hips, Wooyoung's chubby cheeks.

재-lovedisease

/happy birthday

2009-08-19T14:56:00.005+08:00

Happy 16th Birthday Wingtong!

Blogged & posted the photos on LJ, thinking of switching there for good but the advantages of blogger is to good to ignore. :P

J-lovedisease@lj

yet another one

2009-08-13T00:00:00.003+08:00

chionged 2 oral write up today, nearly finished the second piece. i took one page to write only on 3 characters, whoopee.
i still have conversation though ._.
and tonnes of maths.
2008 O level, Bukit Merah Sec Paper (with kw), Cedar, Damai.
Greatttttt.
screw MCs.

dad nagging for me to go sleep already.
i HATE it when he uses that tone.
makes me feel very irritated.

thinking of changing to LJ.
but im more used to blogger.
how?
just created my probably sixth LJ acc. wheeee.
i hate the names i come up with though.
bound to dislike it after awhile.
will try my very best to stick with the new one.

need ideas for oral, fanfic and design for SGelf hoodie.
need money for taiwan&korea trip, all fees for supershowII, endless gadgets, clothings, braces.
need more time & Brainjuice!

<3 you more&more everyday junjae(:

Just because i'm not saying anything doesn't mean i have forgotten.
To you, it might be a fling, just for the holidays.
To me, it isn't, there's much more to it.
Just wait till major stuff are over and I'll pester you till you wished you never knew me.
All I want are answers and explainations.
At the very least, a simple yes or no to the most important question of all.
You can manage that?

Promise and cross my heart

2009-08-10T23:33:00.002+08:00

I solemnly promise I'll update a serious post AFTER I change my blogskin.

All's that and my father's nagging already. Need to bathe and prepare for school.

Happy birthday Singapore btw. :D

I love you junjae, forever

PSH. NOT JUNJIE. STOP TELLING ME IT IS. D:

2pm 2pm

2009-08-08T23:49:00.003+08:00

2pm's Idol Show Season 3

Damn classic please. I'm starting to fall in love with every of them, dui bu qi Junsu
Now I like Junsu, Jaybum and Wooyoung..

Wooyoung do split please! Kena whacked and he wore girl's school uniform. So shyyy.

Jaebummiee :D

it's two pm

2009-08-07T16:20:00.004+08:00

I had this incredible dream last night, fangirl dream.

I was on a coach with my family on the way home from a trip then I realise 2pm are in the same coach as me! (omigosh, hyperventilates) They were sitting at the very very back so 5 of them are sitting on the long seats then 2 [junsu and nichkhun] are at the seats 2 rows in front of them. (surprised at how detailed i am)

So, halfway along the trip, 2 of them sitting at the last row went to the toilet (somehow I think the coach has a toilet at the front, *shrugs*), so I approached them and I said "Annyeonghaseyo, Korean?" very stupidly. I felt like slapping myself in the dream, serious. Then we chatted and I pretended not to know who they are, somehow we chatted about 2pm so I mentioned I only listened to "I Hate You" before but I don't know who they are cause I only saw their cover once only.

After that, they told me they are 2pm and asked me who's their favourite. BUT, cause I pretended I have no idea who they are, they magically produced a photo of the cover so I pointed to Junsu.

Not very sure what happened after that but I was sitting next to Junsu and he linked arms with me, asking me why am I so shy blah blah blah. (OMG, I want to faint please :DDDD)

We kept talking and playing and Junsu linking arms with me (hyperventilates again), when my dad say we have to alight, we were all very reluctant. So I gave them my msn and asked them to add me.

AND I WOKE UP.

That was like shiokkkkkkkkk. But I think I'm like super dumb... SHOULD ASK THEM FOR THEIR MSN OR NUMBER INSTEAD WHAT! At least I will be the one calling them, not waiting. ):

DUMBDUMB.

must make sure I won't be so dumb for the next dream. :D
that's also why I don't like to give other people my number, i rather they give me theirs. xD

and OH, did I mention? Junsu is my new love. :D
his eyes can kill people one okay.
and his lips, i feel so guilty towards anchovy boy ):

Anchovy boy, I still love you :D
Can't wait to see youuuuuuuuuuu <3

BTW. I think i having pimple on my nose. My nose abit red red, like got rashes or what, but it's not giving me any discomfort. OH SHIT. what if it's the antibiotics. Fuck. Pimples or rashes? D:

you just don't understand me

2009-08-06T21:38:00.003+08:00

Whenever I want to tell you about whatever happened in my class, you didn't bother to listen, all you care was your bastard son. Now you're questioning me about my class infamous behaviour and experience with the principal. Ironic much?

Stop acting so concern only after you have to meet the teachers, concern should be all the while not just during this moment. Don't ask me about what am I doing in school only after you meet EF. Plus, I didn't sleep in class (maybe once in a while but fuck, who doesn't?) and I did eat my dinner. STOP FUCKING ACCUSING ME. I replied you with tone, you accused me of feeling very "wei qu", then I reply you in monotone, you say I'm trying to fu yan you. So what the fuck do you want me to do?
Stop mentioning my mother during situations like this. No you did not fucking tell me that she hopes I'll go University. Even if she does, what makes you think I'll fucking follow her wishes? and... OH! You still remember her? I thought all you had on your mind is that woman and that little bastard child of yours? You didn't tell me anything about her, not since god-knows-when.
Get your facts right, listen to both sides of the story Oh i forgot, you only have ears for ONE and have no time for the other cause you're too busy changing diapers before you make accusations.
Hate to disappoint you, but I doubt there's going to be another meet the parents session anymore.

Cried like fuck in my room, felt like calling someone and spill everything out.
But nobody to call, nobody to talk to, nobody will understand.
Someone told me to let everything out, stop keeping everything to myself.
You think I want everything to be this way?
Problem is nobody will ever understand.
How am I suppose to spill?

I'm not really talking sense, but you think I give a fuck? No i don't.

randomness!

2009-08-02T02:32:00.002+08:00

Updated at livejournal. I so regret my lj account name. Should I create a new one, again?

I'm deciding to start on a new weird habit, so don't be surprised if I start "confessing" to you (:

I love you hyukjae.
I miss you anchovy boy.

Screwed?

2009-07-31T23:02:00.003+08:00

Song of my life: you composed the melody to near perfection but you screwed up the lyrics.

If you find this somehow replying to whatever you said, then yes, I'm talking about you

Warning: full of colourful four-lettered words.

Ulcer not recovered yet! Fuck!
It's such a hassle cause I'm the only one that hasn't completed my oral 1-to-1 which I will probably screw up, I can't drink water properly, I can't eat properly, no fast food, no food to eat cause of obvious reasons, AND YAY, diet. ._.

Apparently, my dad doesn't have money for me to buy whatever shitxzxz I want but has loads of money to feed another mouth, buy a new desktop and smartphones. FML.
BFF, how to take things easy at home? D:
It's seriously irritating to hear people cooing at the baby, I don't give a fuck if the baby likes it or not, but I do give a fuck that it's sooooooo effing irritating to hear her irritating voice. Yes, i'm so full of "fuck"s.
My life may not be as bad as I think it is but it's certainly not as good as you think it is.

I need to find someone to like bomb all my crap out but it's really hard to do so and I don't dare to do so.
Previously, there was him, but then as you can see from the first sentence of the whole post, he screwed up the lyrics. Now, nobody's here/i don't want to bother them/i don't dare to bother them. fuck history (not the subject). ._.

BFFperviest is sick with high fever ): Nobody to spazz hyukdong with me for the next few days. Sadded sadded sadded.
GET WELL SOON OKAY!
Then continue hyukdong-ing. (:

Bomb bomb bomb!

2009-07-29T23:17:00.003+08:00

It's hard to forget about him and I really don't want to.
I did enjoy myself for that few certain days but you just had to spoil everything.
Won't make myself erase the memorise, shall bury them in a box and throw it somewhere instead.
Learning from my mistakes again and again. Each one harder than the one before.
Should really learnt my lesson already.
and it really sucks to have you reading my previous rants and you not saying anything about it at all, can't even be friends? okay maybe i'm the one that's buildig the barrier, again.

However...
Other than him, meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me now.
Sorry for neglecting you for like nearly 2 months.
But I can feel so happy and forget all my worries just because a photo of yours.
Just love that smile of yours, keep smiling okay? ;]
Can't wait to see you, anchovy boy.
Stop wearing V-neck also please, your milky white chest is not for public display!
Totally dig your combination though, red hair and black v-neck shirt, ultimate combination. Although I don't understand why did you steal his white checkered pants to wear.
Stay smexy always, miss you!♥

I love typing shitxz about my "personal life" that nobody understands, or at most a few of them only. The first part's quite easy to guess and I think only my lovely elfs and samantha are able to guess who's my smexy boy;] Yes I'm so in love.
I really do have a sick mind so does my lovelies, everynight talking about ~~*censored*~~ hyukdong related stuff.

Monday was the bombxzxz man.
It's like another rare day for class spirit time. I really don't understand if it's the chinese teachers that has a problem with us or do we have a problem with them. Peiwei's interaction with her was really hilarious and that teacher doesn't really make any sense. I heard peiwei asking her for permission to go toilet but the teacher wrote that peiwei&few others left the classroom without permission.
Loads of contradicting stuff also.
Weirdddddd.

So totally screwed up my oral 1-to-1, I did practise, but I just stammer when he's in front of me. It's like, I don't even know why am I stammering. Fuck. Going for another try tomorrow, hope I don't stammer/spout korean.

Am going for night focus everyday starting from tomorrow, I shall complete at least one math paper / poa paper / other homework in that 2 hours. No more random chit-chatting!